Bombard me!

There are some stereotypical things that come along with being a Pastor's wife. I guess you could call them cliches when they are said out loud to you, and every time, you are taken back by their naivety, boldness or utter nonsense. Do people forget that we have the same feelings, hormones and fears as the next girl?

Not too long ago I was speaking to a woman that was dealing with the fact that the only time people call her is when they need something. She really doesn't have any friends in the church...etc. Through the conversation I was able to empathize with her as I have felt the same way. But in the next few seconds of our conversation I realized how differently I am viewed when she said "well, you're the Pastor's wife so you are supposed to be used to this and not worry about it". With my mouth on the floor I realized I am viewed from another planet with no struggles, no fears and no need of true friendships. Things couldn't be farther from the truth.

Through another conversation I also realized that because my husband is the Pastor I have no need of Biblical encouragement. This one struck me funny as I recall the old quote "The cobbler's children have the worst shoes" and "The dentist's children have cavities" Often times what we give to others on a regular basis is what we neglect in those closest to us in our "down time". Don't get me wrong, my husband is the greatest of all encourages and teacher of God's Word in our home. My point is, just because he is the spiritual leader of the church does not mean that our devotional life, spiritual conversations and biblical encouragement is better or worse than the next family. Even the preachers wife needs a buddy to come alongside her and strengthen her. She might just need it!

Two weeks ago my wonderful Mother and friend passed away. I will blog about the turn of events another day. I was so blessed by many cards and written word. But there was a resounding sentence than was given to my husband and back to me on a regular basis..."I didn't want to call because I figured you were being bombarded". Understandable? Yes! Was it the truth? Not at all.  There was quite the silence on the phone lines for the weeks following her death. Again, i am not sure the mindset of this. People may think you are fine, people may think you are strong and will get through it, others may think your husband is all you need. I may never know the mind and hearts of people, I believe they are good and in no way would neglect a hurting soul...even is she is strong, but I have learned one thing...BOMBARD ME! I am thankful for the lesson learned through this journey, if you are hurting I will bombard you! I think, at one time,  I may have been among those that thought i was bombarding if I called during a trial ...i know differently now...the silence is worse. Thank you Lord for life lessons so that I may glorify YOU and be a better friend and encourager!

Pastor's Kids - Part 2

Let the kids know what we do and why we do it.

- Talk to them about the calling on your family, not just saying it’s “Daddy’s job.”

- Share with them the great work that God is doing in people's lives that we get to be a part of.

It is so important that your kids get to see God's moving first hand. I am very blessed to be able to have been a part of a building program. As strenuous as it was at times, there is no doubt my children saw God's blessing and God's people with a passion to see miracles!

Don't blame things on the church.

I will always believe that kids will experience enough negativity in their lives, so why offer more if they can go each day thinking everyone and everything is "just right".

- Don't blame the church for your lack of time

- Don't blame the church for your lack of money

These will be the 2 areas you will always struggle with...the ministry will not give you much leisure time or make you rich...therefore, it's wasted breath to complain and grumble about either. You will have to make your family successful...to "bloom where you are planted"...it's not the church's fault or its responsibility to do it for you!

We are in this together

This may sound redundant but it is so essential for your children to know we are all called to serve our God through our family...not just Daddy's job.

- Take time to pray that the Lord would use your family in a special way

- Pray for each event intentionally and specifically.

Your kids will be more excited about a soul being saved because they prayed about it. Our family prayed hard for a 3 on 3 basketball tournament that our church hosted. One teen boy was saved! Since my children felt a part of his salvation, they look for him every Sunday and have made it a point to make him feel welcome. This would not happen if we were not intentional about our service together!

Pastor's Kids-Part 1-One Big Blur

People will ask me "how do you keep family time and ministry time in balance?" My answer is never thought out and always the same. "Hmmmm, it's all a big blur and I can't separate the two". I was never satisfied with my answer because I knew the person asking wanted hard and fast "do's & don'ts". Today, I will think it through....

Have you noticed that our kids tend to love the things that we love? My husband is a crazy Red Sox fan, so are my children. Our kids generally share our passions because they see a willingness to invest time in it, and a sense of enjoyment because of it.

Do you realize we never sat around each Monday night and Saturday mornings and read articles or quizzed the kids on baseball statistics and names of players...we simply enjoyed talking about the team and played a lot of backyard baseball. It just existed.

Parents make the mistake of compartmentalizing church, ministry, Bible and worship, giving each a specific time and location. Now, don't get me wrong we have some very regimented times for things concerning our "spiritual schedule", but i think we put too much of a separation between family time and ministry time...

Church has always been our second home. While growing up my children asked on a daily basis "Are we going to the church today?". Whether it was picking up something that was left or cleaning a classroom, there was always something that drew us into the church house...they loved it! Some of my 5 sons greatest memories are our daily stops...whether it was a quick tease from one of the men working or running down hallways and playing hide & seek while I decorated a bulletin board. I say all this to say, my kids love the church more than just Sunday School and Master Club...it's in their blood! Why? Because it's in the "blood" of their parents. They picked up on our passion.

Another thing that was absorbed into the mindset of our children was that our family and our church are not 2 entities. We are not separated into 2 families, we are built IN to the church family as well. Yes, we have family time apart from the church, but it revolves around the church schedule. With that, our kids know that church schedule will most likely "win" if there is a conflict. Quite honestly, our children see it that way as well. This has alleviated the disappointment I hear so often among PK's...my guys are the first to agree that Dad must go tend to Mrs. So & So in the hospital and we'll mini golf another time. I praise God for this!

Since everyone likes a "list" to follow here is one that works for us:

1.) Talk about church the other 6 days of the week.

2.) Include them in upcoming events and share excitement for these events

3.) Help them find ownership in the church by giving them jobs to accomplish...even if it's straightening the hymn books for the visitor that may sit in that very seat!

4.) Pray for the church and it's ministries

5.) When they are young encourage them to "play church". Make it personal by using your Pastor's name (even if it's their father) their Sunday school teachers name, nursery director etc.

6.) Allow them to take the "treats" people give them. There were times my kids had pockets of candy from well intentioned folks. I never said a thing...I knew this was making a little community of friends in the minds of my kids. Our former Pastor had treats for kids in his office. I always let them take one, simply because of the joy their Pastor brought to them. Of course, they had to spread the eating of the treats out over time...but they couldn't wait to see all their "peeps" the next service!

7.) Practice what you preach. If you want you kids to have joy in ministry so should you!

8.) Be flexible. Your kids will have the grace to stay sane by teaching them flexibility. Even if that means up late at night and out early the next morning. I can't tell you how many nights my little ones were asleep in a pew while staying very late at church. To this very current day, my kids can burn the midnight oil studying or enjoying a youth activity without coming unglued!

9.) Don't fill their head with any negatives. Keep hardships confined between you and a your husband. Every kid should believe as long as they possibly can that every person in the church is a wonderful loving Christian. Soon enough you will have to explain to them the hurts people bring, but until then every kid should have "rose colored glasses"!

10.) Reward them for the times ministry caused a conflict and their attitude was honorable. We have expressed to our children many times how thankful we are and how gracious they have been to allow us accomplish a work for our LORD. Sometimes I take them out of school and take a day trip. Sometimes it's a super fun home night especially planned my them. A little thanks goes a LONG way!

Pastor's Kids-The Introduction

Intro.

I think the stereotypical assessment of a Pastor's Kid is "squeaky clean, sitting on the front row and rebellious" this assessment breaks my heart, yet I am sure in many cases it is very true! Before I talk about the heart of the Pastor's Kids, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for our church and love they have shown our children. For the most part our church family has allowed our kids to grow up in church just like any other kids. I can only remember a few occasions when I heard "The Pastor's kid did THAT??" and it was probably something like taking an extra piece of candy without asking....like that would be shocking for any kid to do, right??

My experience with raising preacher's kids has been a joy and very positive. The Lord has been gracious to our family! I do believe that PK's have an extra target on their back. They are watched, not only by people looking for examples, but those looking to point out flaws. BUT there is a great deceiver, liar and accuser looking to destroy(John 10:10). I believe Satan would love to ruin every ministry kid if he could. Why? Well, he knows that a pastor must rule his house well. How can that be true of a man if his kids are rebellious? Satan also knows there is nothing more provoking than messing with someones kids! The greatest way to hurt a pastor is to hurt his family. So, with the thought of Satan taking a little extra target practice on the PK's, I think it's appropriate to treat them like an ordinary kid, but to also encourage them and give them a "perk" or two along the way!

I love when we are at a meeting or conference with Pastor R.B. Oulette. He grew up as a PK. He remembers it well and never passes up an opportunity to encourage ministry kids. He lovingly pulls each child to his side and says "repeat after me...'Pastor's kids are special'" and he slips a $5 bill in their hand! Every time he has done this I weep at the encouragement I see on my kid's faces. They need it!

But the real key to joy in the ministry through our kids is how to help them love it. This will be Part 1...coming soon!!

The Value of Questions

This link would have been such a blessing to me as a new preachers wife. To learn during a question and answer time is something to be treasured. I hope this will help you and encourage you.

http://wcbc.edu/media/video/qa-with-dr-and-mrs-paul-chappell

Easy Breezy

My dear husband has a little problem...he often rehearses conversations in his mind but ACTUALLY believes they were verbalized at one point or another. I think it's just having a brain so full that some of the gray matter has leaked out somewhere. This past weekend the gray matter was found...a bit late for my comfort.

I am trying to clean out cupboards and eat what we have. Some of it is financial reason but most is organizational reason. In other words, grocery shopping is "needs" vs. "wants". I actually like to do this from time to time...I find the creativity of making "rock soup" enjoyable...until my husband announces "don't forget we have missionaries coming". By the look on my face he immediately says "I told you" ...moving along...we realized it was a "lack of gray matter moment"! I panic a bit because there is simply no time to get to a store! Ah ha! 3 little ingredients save the day!

Frozen Chicken breasts

BBQ sauce

Can of pineapple chunks

~and of course my best friend-The Crockpot!

I threw it all in that morning and enjoyed Hawaiian chicken over white rice...and thankfully I had salad already (we don't go long in our house without salad)

It was an enjoyable day and the missionary wife was so excited to have only 3 ingredients to tend with on their new mission field! God used it and I kept my sanity!

Being Hospitable is Just Not My Thing

Sometimes ladies will mention my fishbowl life as crazy and "I don't know how you do it, I could never be hospitable" This statement always makes me laugh as if they are the normal one and I am from another planet. The fact is, I am quite normal! I have just determined that I am going to be hospitable instead of resisting it. I can be determined about a lot of things: I can be determined to find the perfect sweater, I can be determined to feed my kids healthy, I can be determined to bake my favorite cookies...just like you! But sometimes our determination gets pushed out by the choice to say "I can't, I won't...I don't want too" You must be determined and MAKE yourself hospitable.

I remember being very young in the ministry. My husband just became an Assistant Pastor in a large ministry. One of our first staff meetings the Pastor talked about hospitality. He said something that stuck with me: "We teach and preach to people to have a godly home...we may even judge them based on what we see or don't see. If they never SEE a godly home, view your video collection, music CD's, scripture on the wall, prayer before a meal and a family that gets along, how are they supposed to develop one themselves?" That was all I needed! If I could have a small part in showing someone a Christian home (imperfections included!), I was willing!

There are a few things I learned along the way to keep my sanity that I hope will be a help. We have A LOT of people in our home! There are some things to minimize the stress and not break the bank!

1) Cleaning. It's so important to have a clean home. it can get overwhelming! When my kids were small I taught myself the difference between clean dirt and dirty dirt. I made sure bread crumbs were off the counters and sinks empty before I cared about the legos all over the floor (clean dirt)

- tidy from top to bottom everyday. this is just to maintain from thing piling up. You will eventually, when time allows you to do a deep clean (tips for another time)

- get kids involved! My kids were doing chores from the time they could toddle. Something as simple as pushing in the chairs after dinner teaches them the a routine of cleaning as a family.

- have a code word for "everyone stop and pitch in". Ours is "Ludka 10" This means everyone stops and rushes as fast as they can, grabbing and putting things away for 10 minutes". It was always a fun time with little ones.

- guest will relax more in an uncluttered area. Concentrate on kitchen, living room and bathroom.

2) Greet your guest at the door with a smile. If they are coming unannounced, panic a little (only natural) then say "coming" and run like the dickens grabbing things along the way! Always walk them to the door to say goodbye. Stay out (if it's not winter) until they pull away.

3) Have your no fail recipes on hand. I used to stress about cooking something different with every guest. I really don't know why. Now, after 20 years of hospitality, I have a few no fail things that work well on a Sunday, or work well on a lack of motivation day, or work well on a tight budget (which is most of the time) Don't apologize for what you make! They will automatically put each bite in their mouth and start to wonder "what makes her think this is bad". People really just want fellowship and encouragement. If hot dogs are on the menu, most people will think that is just great and be thankful!

4) keep it real. Don't be mortified and lose all sanity if you drop the potatoes on the floor! Honestly, people will be glad you are flawed and probably love the story and laughter. One time I had a family over and did not realize the crockpot was never plugged in! I had to laugh and cook it all in a pot, which caused more time for fellowship...no one cared! You will have hurting people in your home that have lost their laughter...let the Lord have his way, even if it's at your expense!

5) Get the kids involved...include them! They are in essence being hospitable too, by taking time away from their day. Make it exciting. My kids LOVE when we have company. My oldest is now 19 and has no resentment for sharing his evenings and Sunday afternoons with strangers or people with no kids their age. Why? Because it was always positive. They would sit around the table with us and listen and enjoy the stories. They learned that Dad may be able to minister to these people. They actually enjoy being "hosts" and clear dishes and serve coffee! And YES, they are all boys! I am so grateful for their sweet spirit when it comes to hospitality.

6) Don't treasure your things too much- you will hate having guests if your things are more important. We have college singing groups in throughout each summer. Each group seems to leave "an imprint" of their visit. I have nicely shaped iron burn in the middle of our guest room, I have 2 broken irons and plenty more! I love these kids, our missionaries, our guest far more than carpet. Do I love the stains...not at all! But as long as I keep it real, I have a story to tell the next guest.

7 keep it simple, make it fun! One of the reasons we might hate to have people in our home is simple pride. We don’t have a magazine home. We don’t get to dust every day. We haven’t gotten to clean the windows. We always see a cobweb when we get company. We notice that stained carpet when people come over. Just learn to love it, know they are more thankful than your realize for being invited and making a new friend!