Pastor's Kids-Part 1-One Big Blur

People will ask me "how do you keep family time and ministry time in balance?" My answer is never thought out and always the same. "Hmmmm, it's all a big blur and I can't separate the two". I was never satisfied with my answer because I knew the person asking wanted hard and fast "do's & don'ts". Today, I will think it through....

Have you noticed that our kids tend to love the things that we love? My husband is a crazy Red Sox fan, so are my children. Our kids generally share our passions because they see a willingness to invest time in it, and a sense of enjoyment because of it.

Do you realize we never sat around each Monday night and Saturday mornings and read articles or quizzed the kids on baseball statistics and names of players...we simply enjoyed talking about the team and played a lot of backyard baseball. It just existed.

Parents make the mistake of compartmentalizing church, ministry, Bible and worship, giving each a specific time and location. Now, don't get me wrong we have some very regimented times for things concerning our "spiritual schedule", but i think we put too much of a separation between family time and ministry time...

Church has always been our second home. While growing up my children asked on a daily basis "Are we going to the church today?". Whether it was picking up something that was left or cleaning a classroom, there was always something that drew us into the church house...they loved it! Some of my 5 sons greatest memories are our daily stops...whether it was a quick tease from one of the men working or running down hallways and playing hide & seek while I decorated a bulletin board. I say all this to say, my kids love the church more than just Sunday School and Master Club...it's in their blood! Why? Because it's in the "blood" of their parents. They picked up on our passion.

Another thing that was absorbed into the mindset of our children was that our family and our church are not 2 entities. We are not separated into 2 families, we are built IN to the church family as well. Yes, we have family time apart from the church, but it revolves around the church schedule. With that, our kids know that church schedule will most likely "win" if there is a conflict. Quite honestly, our children see it that way as well. This has alleviated the disappointment I hear so often among PK's...my guys are the first to agree that Dad must go tend to Mrs. So & So in the hospital and we'll mini golf another time. I praise God for this!

Since everyone likes a "list" to follow here is one that works for us:

1.) Talk about church the other 6 days of the week.

2.) Include them in upcoming events and share excitement for these events

3.) Help them find ownership in the church by giving them jobs to accomplish...even if it's straightening the hymn books for the visitor that may sit in that very seat!

4.) Pray for the church and it's ministries

5.) When they are young encourage them to "play church". Make it personal by using your Pastor's name (even if it's their father) their Sunday school teachers name, nursery director etc.

6.) Allow them to take the "treats" people give them. There were times my kids had pockets of candy from well intentioned folks. I never said a thing...I knew this was making a little community of friends in the minds of my kids. Our former Pastor had treats for kids in his office. I always let them take one, simply because of the joy their Pastor brought to them. Of course, they had to spread the eating of the treats out over time...but they couldn't wait to see all their "peeps" the next service!

7.) Practice what you preach. If you want you kids to have joy in ministry so should you!

8.) Be flexible. Your kids will have the grace to stay sane by teaching them flexibility. Even if that means up late at night and out early the next morning. I can't tell you how many nights my little ones were asleep in a pew while staying very late at church. To this very current day, my kids can burn the midnight oil studying or enjoying a youth activity without coming unglued!

9.) Don't fill their head with any negatives. Keep hardships confined between you and a your husband. Every kid should believe as long as they possibly can that every person in the church is a wonderful loving Christian. Soon enough you will have to explain to them the hurts people bring, but until then every kid should have "rose colored glasses"!

10.) Reward them for the times ministry caused a conflict and their attitude was honorable. We have expressed to our children many times how thankful we are and how gracious they have been to allow us accomplish a work for our LORD. Sometimes I take them out of school and take a day trip. Sometimes it's a super fun home night especially planned my them. A little thanks goes a LONG way!

Pastor's Kids-The Introduction

Intro.

I think the stereotypical assessment of a Pastor's Kid is "squeaky clean, sitting on the front row and rebellious" this assessment breaks my heart, yet I am sure in many cases it is very true! Before I talk about the heart of the Pastor's Kids, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for our church and love they have shown our children. For the most part our church family has allowed our kids to grow up in church just like any other kids. I can only remember a few occasions when I heard "The Pastor's kid did THAT??" and it was probably something like taking an extra piece of candy without asking....like that would be shocking for any kid to do, right??

My experience with raising preacher's kids has been a joy and very positive. The Lord has been gracious to our family! I do believe that PK's have an extra target on their back. They are watched, not only by people looking for examples, but those looking to point out flaws. BUT there is a great deceiver, liar and accuser looking to destroy(John 10:10). I believe Satan would love to ruin every ministry kid if he could. Why? Well, he knows that a pastor must rule his house well. How can that be true of a man if his kids are rebellious? Satan also knows there is nothing more provoking than messing with someones kids! The greatest way to hurt a pastor is to hurt his family. So, with the thought of Satan taking a little extra target practice on the PK's, I think it's appropriate to treat them like an ordinary kid, but to also encourage them and give them a "perk" or two along the way!

I love when we are at a meeting or conference with Pastor R.B. Oulette. He grew up as a PK. He remembers it well and never passes up an opportunity to encourage ministry kids. He lovingly pulls each child to his side and says "repeat after me...'Pastor's kids are special'" and he slips a $5 bill in their hand! Every time he has done this I weep at the encouragement I see on my kid's faces. They need it!

But the real key to joy in the ministry through our kids is how to help them love it. This will be Part 1...coming soon!!

The Value of Questions

This link would have been such a blessing to me as a new preachers wife. To learn during a question and answer time is something to be treasured. I hope this will help you and encourage you.

http://wcbc.edu/media/video/qa-with-dr-and-mrs-paul-chappell

Easy Breezy

My dear husband has a little problem...he often rehearses conversations in his mind but ACTUALLY believes they were verbalized at one point or another. I think it's just having a brain so full that some of the gray matter has leaked out somewhere. This past weekend the gray matter was found...a bit late for my comfort.

I am trying to clean out cupboards and eat what we have. Some of it is financial reason but most is organizational reason. In other words, grocery shopping is "needs" vs. "wants". I actually like to do this from time to time...I find the creativity of making "rock soup" enjoyable...until my husband announces "don't forget we have missionaries coming". By the look on my face he immediately says "I told you" ...moving along...we realized it was a "lack of gray matter moment"! I panic a bit because there is simply no time to get to a store! Ah ha! 3 little ingredients save the day!

Frozen Chicken breasts

BBQ sauce

Can of pineapple chunks

~and of course my best friend-The Crockpot!

I threw it all in that morning and enjoyed Hawaiian chicken over white rice...and thankfully I had salad already (we don't go long in our house without salad)

It was an enjoyable day and the missionary wife was so excited to have only 3 ingredients to tend with on their new mission field! God used it and I kept my sanity!

Being Hospitable is Just Not My Thing

Sometimes ladies will mention my fishbowl life as crazy and "I don't know how you do it, I could never be hospitable" This statement always makes me laugh as if they are the normal one and I am from another planet. The fact is, I am quite normal! I have just determined that I am going to be hospitable instead of resisting it. I can be determined about a lot of things: I can be determined to find the perfect sweater, I can be determined to feed my kids healthy, I can be determined to bake my favorite cookies...just like you! But sometimes our determination gets pushed out by the choice to say "I can't, I won't...I don't want too" You must be determined and MAKE yourself hospitable.

I remember being very young in the ministry. My husband just became an Assistant Pastor in a large ministry. One of our first staff meetings the Pastor talked about hospitality. He said something that stuck with me: "We teach and preach to people to have a godly home...we may even judge them based on what we see or don't see. If they never SEE a godly home, view your video collection, music CD's, scripture on the wall, prayer before a meal and a family that gets along, how are they supposed to develop one themselves?" That was all I needed! If I could have a small part in showing someone a Christian home (imperfections included!), I was willing!

There are a few things I learned along the way to keep my sanity that I hope will be a help. We have A LOT of people in our home! There are some things to minimize the stress and not break the bank!

1) Cleaning. It's so important to have a clean home. it can get overwhelming! When my kids were small I taught myself the difference between clean dirt and dirty dirt. I made sure bread crumbs were off the counters and sinks empty before I cared about the legos all over the floor (clean dirt)

- tidy from top to bottom everyday. this is just to maintain from thing piling up. You will eventually, when time allows you to do a deep clean (tips for another time)

- get kids involved! My kids were doing chores from the time they could toddle. Something as simple as pushing in the chairs after dinner teaches them the a routine of cleaning as a family.

- have a code word for "everyone stop and pitch in". Ours is "Ludka 10" This means everyone stops and rushes as fast as they can, grabbing and putting things away for 10 minutes". It was always a fun time with little ones.

- guest will relax more in an uncluttered area. Concentrate on kitchen, living room and bathroom.

2) Greet your guest at the door with a smile. If they are coming unannounced, panic a little (only natural) then say "coming" and run like the dickens grabbing things along the way! Always walk them to the door to say goodbye. Stay out (if it's not winter) until they pull away.

3) Have your no fail recipes on hand. I used to stress about cooking something different with every guest. I really don't know why. Now, after 20 years of hospitality, I have a few no fail things that work well on a Sunday, or work well on a lack of motivation day, or work well on a tight budget (which is most of the time) Don't apologize for what you make! They will automatically put each bite in their mouth and start to wonder "what makes her think this is bad". People really just want fellowship and encouragement. If hot dogs are on the menu, most people will think that is just great and be thankful!

4) keep it real. Don't be mortified and lose all sanity if you drop the potatoes on the floor! Honestly, people will be glad you are flawed and probably love the story and laughter. One time I had a family over and did not realize the crockpot was never plugged in! I had to laugh and cook it all in a pot, which caused more time for fellowship...no one cared! You will have hurting people in your home that have lost their laughter...let the Lord have his way, even if it's at your expense!

5) Get the kids involved...include them! They are in essence being hospitable too, by taking time away from their day. Make it exciting. My kids LOVE when we have company. My oldest is now 19 and has no resentment for sharing his evenings and Sunday afternoons with strangers or people with no kids their age. Why? Because it was always positive. They would sit around the table with us and listen and enjoy the stories. They learned that Dad may be able to minister to these people. They actually enjoy being "hosts" and clear dishes and serve coffee! And YES, they are all boys! I am so grateful for their sweet spirit when it comes to hospitality.

6) Don't treasure your things too much- you will hate having guests if your things are more important. We have college singing groups in throughout each summer. Each group seems to leave "an imprint" of their visit. I have nicely shaped iron burn in the middle of our guest room, I have 2 broken irons and plenty more! I love these kids, our missionaries, our guest far more than carpet. Do I love the stains...not at all! But as long as I keep it real, I have a story to tell the next guest.

7 keep it simple, make it fun! One of the reasons we might hate to have people in our home is simple pride. We don’t have a magazine home. We don’t get to dust every day. We haven’t gotten to clean the windows. We always see a cobweb when we get company. We notice that stained carpet when people come over. Just learn to love it, know they are more thankful than your realize for being invited and making a new friend!

Mondays can still bring rejoicing

I am a girl that truly does like to clean her house! I know, strange right? My Mom who thinks my life is SOOOO busy is always offering to get me a housekeeper to come in at least one time. I always tell her "no"...I know, again, crazy right? It is very important to me to keep a tidy house, it isn't always tidy that is for sure, but it is always something I strive to do. My big problem, as much as I really do enjoy cleaning is the circumstances around my cleaning have to be just right or I end up not enjoying it...so needless to say, my circumstances are rarely right so I end up not enjoying housekeeping...does that make sense at all...it makes perfect sense to me! Those circumstances usually involve utter solitude, pure focus and uninterrupted scrubbing. Rare!

Over the last 3 days (since Friday) I have been telling the family "I can't wait for Monday! I am going to clean clean clean!" On Saturday I said "I can't wait for you all to leave for school so I can completely scrub this house" On Sunday "Honey, I am so glad you are preaching out of town so I can have this house to myself!" I was seriously counting down the days! Weird I know...stay with me!

As I was sitting in choir practice on Sunday afternoon I felt some pressure in my head, I took some Tylenol but felt no relief :( As the evening progressed I realized this headache was not budging until I just go to bed...but "I can't wait for tomorrow to get this house done!" I sang! Just as I said this I turned to my son Jeffrey and said "watch something will happen and I will totally lose my motivation" Oh how did I know?!!! Around 3am I woke up to the throbbing of my head and eyeballs wide open! I got up and took a swig of Nyquil . Sleep was on the way! Unfortunately, there was not enough hours to wear off the precious sleep aid...up I was making lunches and feeling groggy...with the lingering headache. My motivation was gone!

Now for the fun part...this is not my usual reaction to lack of sleep, headaches, a house that is still cluttered but I pulled Psalm 118:24 from my toes and said "It's Monday and I can still rejoice in this day the Lord hath made". I actually looked behind me as if to say "who said that"? I am rejoicing with a thankful heart that I have a day to rejoice...I might be tired, but I have so much to be thankful for! The cobwebs may sit. I still pray as I sit here that He will rejuvenate my motivation, but if it doesn't return...I will REJOICE!