Valued & Vulnerable

The word "vulnerable" has reached deep into my thoughts and heart over the past few months. It's a scary word that takes on the meaning "unguarded", "unprotected", "available for harm". As a Pastor's wife I have felt this so many times. The scary part for me is, it is easy to find myself face to face with a situation where I felt completely exposed. Why? Because I am by nature a transparent person. It is not hard for me to take my cheery disposition and "keeping it real" personality into the lions den. Overtime, this can create such a fear of vulnerability that it changes you. I began to think that vulnerability was the premise for discouragement, fear, insecurity and a lot of judgement...or so I thought. The more I thought about it the more I didn't like this word....thankfully I only thought about it and did not pull myself out of these situations...but i was close. As I viewed my life in ministry and the "fishbowl" life that I have lived, I realized something fascinating...I did not hate it, i did not fear it, I actually enjoyed my "exposed" life very much. So why all the worry? It was my own mind. So many people would despise this life, therefore I should. Now, don't get me wrong, to feel like a target or something to view and form an opinion about isnt' the greatest of all feelings, but the Lord taught me something about vulnerablity. He showed me that YES, in it's core, it is a place to harbor fear, unworthiness, shame, embarrassment and attack. But our loving Father also told me it's the birthplace for joy, courage, belonging, creativity, necessary lessons, strength ...it is the sweetest form of LOVE. To be vulnerable you must take risks. Sometimes, it's saying "I love you" first, sometimes it's finding the courage to help a friend. Of course rejection will come along, but in the end the courage to be vulnerable sets us apart! So, my sweet pastors' wives that walk in your life with such vulnerablity, remember it is what sets you apart. It's what makes you passionate and whole hearted about the things God has placed before you...you can't fight it, being vulnerable will always win.

What makes you feel vulnerable?

-Asking for help?

-Initiating a relationship?

-waiting for the call from the doctor?

-Being rejected?

-Church members not liking me?

-Church members not appreciating my husband?

-imperfections?

-hospitality?

What do you do about it?

Often times we "numb" our vulnerability. We shop, we have another piece of pie, we sleep. The sad part about this reaction is, we "numb" the good effects too. As we mask our fear, we mask our joy. As we mask our hurt, we mask our courage. As we mask our discontentment, we mask our thanks....we will numb everything.

Often times when we feel vulnerable, we perfect. We perfect the thing we are insecure about. Trust me there is no one that would love to be perfect more than me, but I have learned that I am a far stretch! Think about it, if the person visiting your home notices a cobweb, you are scrubbing the ceilings the next day. I think the saddest result of perfecting when we feel vulnerable is with our children. If they are perfect we are perfect. Our job is not to keep our children perfect, but to teach them they are imperfect, will struggle, but are valuable for love and belonging through their parents and a loving Heavenly Father

Often times we pretend. We pretend that our lives are not what they seem. We pretend that our hurts don't hurt. We pretend that our words shouldn't hurt them...they are too sensitive. Sometimes saying "sorry" takes vulnerability. Our honesty and "realness" is what people need. My imperfections can help anothers imperfections. As long as my "realness" is not "an occasion to the flesh" for someone to justify their sin, it is the very tool they will use to grow in their homes and christian walk.

To be vulnerable is to be seen. To love with your whole heart when there are no guarantees, is exactly the value in vulnerability that your church, family and friends need. Imagine our churches becoming 100% vulnerable, loving whole heartedly, moving forward with each passion and belief, the joy in the end of our vulnerability is immeasurable!

Rejoice in the fact that you have a life worthy to be seen!